STOP PRESS. How about this for a Christmas present? I will personally sign a copy of my book with any message or dedication that you wish and send it to you, or a chosen recipient, with free postage. You can make the message as pleasant, rude or insulting as you like. 'Cheer up you grumpy bastard' may be one way to go, 'Merry Christmas my miserable husband' may be another. It doesn't have to be rude, of course, but if it is going to be then have fun with it!
There is a Google checkout button below which enables you to pay safely by credit card. The price is £9.99. Just specify when you order what message you would like me to write. Or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you prefer.