Sunday, 16 September 2007

Dunking Biscuits

Forget the cure for cancer or life in outer space, what scientists really need to be spending their time doing is working out the best method for dunking biscuits. And thank god they have.

Or should we? Whilst I rejoice in the idea that some boffin somewhere has wasted thousands of pounds of research grants calculating the precise formula for dunking perfection – the world needs such whimsy – it turns out that their findings are completely useless.

Get this; Dr. Len Fisher from the University Of Bristol ran not one, but two separate experiments into the Physics Of Biscuit Dunking. The first was on method, the second on flavour. Here’s what he found:

The ideal way to dunk a biscuit is to do so horizontally. By this, he means literally lowering the biscuit flat into liquid so that only the underneath is dunked. You remove it and quickly flip it upside down so that the undunked half supports the wet portion.

As for flavour, the best drink to dunk in is milk (hot or cold) and not tea or coffee. A good milk drink increases the flavour by a factor of 10. Apparently he also worked out that dunking in lemonade reduces the flavour. No shit Sherlock.

Both of these results are, as you are no doubt aware, utter tosh. Dunking biscuits is always to be done by dipping the biscuit vertically, immersing half of the solid into the hot liquid, and then rushing the whole thing to your mouth before it drops off. And the only drink worthy of dunking into is a nice cup of tea. You don’t need a fancy degree and a white coat to work that out.

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